Dealing With Her Pain
by d.graslie
Summary: Ziva has put up with a lot in her life. Mainly with men. She decides to have a little fun with a certain handsome co worker and a one night out with Abby, gets her hurt once again by another man, all of her pain comes out but will it ever go away and will Tony be destined to be one of those men that hurt her?
1. Chapter 1

After years of sexual tention and major chemistry, Tony and Ziva decide to give into temptation. Not as a couple but more of a friends with benefits type of deal. It was Ziva's idea to begin with but Tony practically jumped at the chance to be with Ziva by practically jumping her in the elevator that day. Their first accurance was brief but passionate and ever since it happened, they pretty much would find any excuse and any room to mess around in. Ziva had to give Tony credit, he was everything he always bragged about. He was an amazing lover. She just hoped she could keep up with this whole not feeling, just sex thing. Because she honestly had genuine feelings for him and she could only hope that he had feelings for her, too. She couldn't help but be hurt by Tony's casual behavior toward her. She didn't want to believe that Tony was the type of guy that would just use her. She cared about this guy too much to start thinking so little of him.

Not that their affairs were completely emotionless. They did catch themselves, every once in a while, letting things slip that would prove they cared about each other more then they were letting on. Tony would say how beautiful she was and Ziva would say that she wanted this to happen for so long. Still, it was more of an in office type of thing then anything that would happen at their appartments or even a random hotel room. She was starting to think that even this kind of thing, was strictly professional. Ziva needed to let off some steam so she went out with Abby one night. Abby was ready to go home and Ziva was still in the drinking mood so she told Abby to go home without her. Little did Abby and Ziva know that something would happen that night that would bring all Ziva's pain onto the table for everyone to see.

_**COPY ROOM**_

Ziva was in work exstremely early the next morning, after "it" happened. She was running off way too many copies of something which proved that she wasn't really focusing on anything. She was in her own little world. This was actually the copy room where a lot of the sexual acts happened with her and Tony. Tony had come into work early himself, hoping to find Ziva there for him to hunt down. That only made their experiences more heated and intense. Tony could hear the copy room being used so he slowly peaked his head in to see Ziva standing infront of him. He got the biggest smile on his face when he walked in and locked the door behind him. Ziva didn't even notice he had walked in.

He never was able to scare her but he always kept trying. He slowly and roughly threw his hands on Ziva's shoulders and she jumped so fast that it ended up scaring Tony and the papers she was copying ended up all over the floor. "Ziva, I'm sorry. It's just me." Holding his hands up like he was about to get arrested. He bent down to pick up the papers she dropped on the ground as she just stood here, not moving. "Are you ok? You seem shaken up by more than just me walking in here." He stood up with the papers in his hands as Ziva rain one of her hands through her curly hair. "Yeah, I am fine. You just scared me. That's all." Taking a few breaths in as Tony continued to watch her odd behavior. "I almost expected you to be waiting for me. Never thought I would actually scare you." Smiling at Ziva and putting the papers on top the copy machine now. "There's a first time for everything, yes?" Giving Tony a fake smile that he could see right through. "Using the copy machine for copying papers. That's something new." Winking at her. He started to unbutton his shirt he had on when he walked up to Ziva who just backed away from him.

"I came in early. Very early to you know, hoping it would give us some extra time together." Ziva just stood there as Tony was failing to get his point across to her. It was like she had no idea what he was talking about. "I um- came in early to get some work done so." About to walk out of the copy room when Tony stopped her. "Are you sure your ok?" His last attempt to get her to talk to him. "Yes, I just have some work to do." Quickly walking out of the room now. "I will talk to you later." Continuing to say goodbye to Tony as she was leaving. Tony just stood there, confused when Ziva just stood a distance away from the copy room. She took a few deep breaths in and it looked like she was about to cry when she saw Abby who knew everything that had happened to her. Abby just gave her friend a concerned look as Ziva pulled herself together and headed for her desk.


	2. Chapter 2

**BULLPEN**

Tony and Ziva were now sitting at their desks. Tony couldn't stop looking at Ziva. She wasn't even working. She was just sitting there, shaking. Gibbs and McGee failed to see Ziva's possible meltdown but that's all Tony could focus on. He didn't even know how to go about asking her what was wrong. He's never seen her like this. Not even when she got back from Somalia. She suddenly looked up at Tony and they had locked eyes. Then she excused herself to go use the bathroom. "I will be right back." scooting out her chair and slowly leaving the room.

Ziva was in the bathroom, she was just staring in the mirror. She took her fist and slammed it into the mirror, causing her hand to bleed. She took a piece of the glass. The sharper, the better. She started to cry and she put the piece of glass down toward her pelvic area. The sharp part toward her. "All you do is hurt me." She then jammed the piece of glass into her vaginal area. She shuttered in pain and hit the ground. She slowly made her way up against a wall when she took the piece of glass out and shoved it into herself once last time. At this point, she was in pure shock. She was bleeding out and quickly. Some random lady walked into the bathroom and found Ziva laying up against the wall. Her skin was a ghostly white. The women got down on the floor, thinking that maybe Ziva was misscarriaging when she saw the piece of glass in Ziva's hand. "Oh, my god. What did you do to yourself?" She stood up and was going to go call an ambulance when Ziva slowly spoke. "Get Abby. Please."

The frightened women got up and left to do what Ziva weakly asked her to. Tony thought see was taking way too long in the bathroom and that she wasn't going to the bathroom to begin with. He got up and left the room. He walked toward the bathroom to see Ziva being taken out of the room in a gurny. Abby walked out behind her friend when she stopped at Tony who was full of questions now. "Ziva, oh my god." They quickly weeled her out of the building, leaving Tony to ask Abby what was going on with their friend. "Come on." Taking her by the arm. "Tony, I don't know anything." Tony just shook his head and took Abby down to her lab.


	3. Chapter 3

**ABBY'S LAB**

Tony took Abby down to her lab so they could talk quietly. Seeing Abby leaving the bathroom gave Tony the feeling that he knew what was going on with Ziva and he wasn't leaving that room until she told him the truth. "Why did they take her away in a ambulance? Did she pass out?" Holding his arms out, just wanting some answers. "Tony, I shouldn't talk about this right now." "Abby!" Abby just jumped and she hated seeing her friend get upset like this. so she answered the question as simply as possible. "She hurt herself." Tony just gave her a blank stare and still wasn't understanding. "How?" Not wanting to go into detail, Abby was silent but decided to tell Tony the events that caused this to happen. "Tony, if I tell you what's going on with Ziva, you have to promise me that it does not leave this lab." Tony just rolled his eyes. "Ok." Abby wasn't buying it yet. "I mean it, Tony. This is not one of those situation where you go run your mouth to everyone at NCIS." Raising her voice. "I want you to promise me." Inches away from Tony now. "Ok, I promise." Getting really worried at this point.

Abby just took a few deeps breaths before she spoke. "Ziva and I went out for a few drinks last night. About an hour and a few shots after we showed up at some bar, I thought it was time to get home but Ziva wanted to hang out for a while longer. She just told me to go home and that she would in a while. About an our after I got home, I got a phone call from the hospital, telling me that Ziva was there and that she was asking for me. I got to the hospital as quickly as I could and they took me to her room. It turns out Ziva was attacked by some guy while leaving the bar. He had knocked her out with a rock or something. Catching her completely off guard." Tony knew how strong Ziva always was but that she was human and she couldn't always fight back. "They did a full body physical on Ziva and there was some evidence they found in her." Barely being able to say what happend to her friend. "Tony, she was raped." Some tears ran down her face as Tony took Abby into her arms to comfort her.

"Oh, my god. No wonder she's been acting so out of it today. I found her in the copy room this morning and I assumed she was in there-" Realizing what he was about to admit he stopped but Abby just gave him a look that said she had already known what was going on between them. Tony then continued to be truthful with his friend about him and Ziva. "Not trying to sound like my typical cocky self but I was half way expecting her to be nakid when I got there but she was acting like she didn't even know what had been going on." Abby was soo concerned about her friend and she knew that Ziva was not ok and that was acting out in her own way. "What concerns me more is that Ziva wants to pretend like it never happened. I tried my hardest to get her to stay in the hospital last night but she just wanted to go home and she shows up at work this morning. Tony, I know she wants to forget about this but it will come out. In one way or another and in scary ways like in the bathroom. That's why she's in the hospital again, hopefully not bleeding to death." Tony was suddenly scared to death for his friend and he really had no idea how to help her.

"Do you think she'll talk to me?" Confiding in his friend once again. "Tony, right now, she's not trusting anybody. She won't even talk to me about it. I'm not sure she'll open up to the guy she's currently hooking up with." Tony just stood there for the longest time, wondering what his next move was going to be with helping his friend through all this.


	4. Chapter 4

**BETHESDA HOSPTIAL**

The doctors were able to repair the damage Ziva had caused herself. They were going to keep her overnight and they gave Ziva someone from "psych" to talk to her. Of course she didn't mutter one word to them. Insisting she was fine. Tony showed up that night, after everyone else had visited her. She was just laying there in that bed, looking alone and hopeless. Tony didn't even bother with gifts. How would you even get a gift for something like this? He quietly knocked on the door and slowly walked in. She didn't even bother to look over and see who it was. He just walked up to her and softly spoke. "Ziva?" She just blinked a few times but said nothing. Tony pulled a chair over close to her and sat down. He was at a loss for words. "Ziva, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know this is going to sound tired and uncomforting but you didn't deserve it."

Ziva just laughed a little bit at what Tony said. "Apparently I do deserve these things. They keep happening to me." Laughing a little more which really bothered Tony. "Ziva, of course you don't deserve this." Ziva then gave Tony the coldest look she had ever given him. "This is my life, Tony. I have a whole lifetime of hurt, coming from them." Tony tried to but in but Ziva couldn't be stopped now. "First my father and his LIFETIME of toture, disguised as love, then my brother who turns out, I never even knew, then there's Saleem, god knows his hurt known no bounds, then Ray, with his constant secrets, all work, and empty ring boxes and now you."

Those words hit Tony like a ton of bricks. She was actually putting him in there with all those other pricks that truly did harm to her. He knew he was sleeping with Ziva and that it wasn't supposed to mean anything but to be compared to Saleem or even Ray? He would never do anything that he thought would hurt her. "Me? Ziva, what do you mean, me?" Ziva now turned her head to look back out the window. Tony hated her silence. The least she could do was answer his questions. "Ziva, what do you mean, me? Ziva just look at me!" "What makes you so different from them, Tony? They all just wanted one thing. They all just wanted a piece of me." Tony didn't know what to say to this. Yes, he was having sex with her but this whole thing was her idea. She had to take some of the blame.

"Ziva, this was your idea." That was his only defense. "Oh, come on, Tony. I may have brought it up but you didn't have to go along with it. You could of just decided that we were better off as friends. That I mean more to you then just meaningless sex, or you could of asked me on a date first but when I just mentioned the idea of sex with me, your practically threw me down on that elevator floor. I knew then that your thoughts of me were the same as theres." Tears were forming in her eyes now. "Ziva, you have to know how much I care about you. Maybe this was a mistake but you can't , for one minute, think that this is how I view you. Us." Ziva just shook her head. "I hate to break it to ya, Tony but you probably won't be sleeping with me anytime soon. I messed myself up pretty bad, down there, today." "Ziva, that's ok." Trying to be understanding but Ziva just continued to get angrier. "No, it is not ok. None of this is ok. Just leave, Tony. Just get out of here. You got what you wanted from me now leave me." Tony slowly stood up and walked away from his friend who he now was convinced, hated him but he didn't leave. He stayed at the hospital that night. He had to convince Ziva that he was not one of them. No matter how convinced she was.


	5. Chapter 5

**BETHESDA HOSPITAL PART 2**

Tony woke up the next morning in one of the chairs. Ziva was now in bed, looking at him. He could only hope that this convinced her, even a little bit, that he wasn't one of those monsters that hurt her. He quietly got up from the chair and walked into her room. She looked like she havn't slept all night. He hated the thought of her loosing sleep over this but sadly, he knew her pain was only starting to show but maybe now, Ziva would let him help her with it. "Goodmornig." Sitting down and was suprised when Ziva let him take her hand. "You didn't have to stay. I said some pretty hurtful things to you." Honestly feeling bad for saying them.

"It's ok. I deserved to hear it." Feeling even worse for making Ziva feel like she was being used by him. They were having sex as friends but that didn't mean that, that was how he truly felt. The truth was, the pain he was feeling over Ziva being raped was one of the worst things that he had ever felt and he just wanted to be able to take her pain away. He loved having sex with Ziva but he also loved being with Ziva. He loved seeing her happy and knowing that he was the one that was making her happy. He wanted to make her feel this way for years and his want for that only got stronger when she kept getting hurt. "I'm sorry that I made you so angry." The guilt was all over his face as Ziva finally looked into it.

"I am not angry with you, Tony. I am angry." Tears ran down her face now as Tony took his hand and wiped some of them away. "God, I hate this." Grabbing onto the sheets she was laying on as Tony watched her. "Hate what?" Wanting to know what was going on inside of her. "This. Being vulnerable. I am not good at it." Truly angry with herself now because she was letting all these feelings show. "I know you do." Speaking softly to her and getting up from his chair, sitting at the edge of Ziva's bed. "But I've come to realize that being vulnerable just makes it that much easier for someone that cares about you, to be there for you." Rubbing her forehead now as Ziva just gave in and let him.

"Well, it must be something that just lingers on inside of me somwhere because I was not taught to be vulnerable." Letting Tony comfort her while letting him have more room on her bed. "But I can not seem to stop it." "Ziva, your finally dealing with some of this stuff. It's something that happens to all of us and if you don't let it happen, you will never be ok. That is something that your father just didn't care about but it was something that you desperately needed." Ziva just continued to listen to him. She knew, deep down, that he was there to help her. Not hurt her. "You can be this way with me, Ziva. We have had some vulnerable times but they've all been superficial. Probably because it made you feel safe but I want you to know that this, right here, is what I want for us." Looking down into her beautiful but tired face now.

"Our relashionship will never be just sex and I'm so sorry if I gave you the idea that it would be." Ziva really broke down now because the things he was saying was exacly what she needed to hear. "I wanted the sex for a long time, Tony but after what happened, after this morning, I am so glad I have you here with me like this. I need you like this." Tony just softly kissed Ziva on the forehead and kept his head on hers for the longest time. Showing her that he wasn't leaving her. "And I'm not going anywhere." They continued to be close to each other for as long as they could be. She would eventually be discharged and she would continue to fight with this for as long as she would have to but she would have Tony on her side. He had proven that he wasn't a monster like those others guys were. He was someone that loved her. He was her friend.


End file.
